I am currently working on my MS in IDD.
This is my grief journey.
I am in my second year of living my new normal without my husband.
I am so thankful that many people shared with me how much harder the second year would be, but I also get the question, “How could the second year be harder than the first?” I have read several books and articles, but here are my observations.
You spend the entire first year in a state of shock. You spend most of the second year in that same state, but you begin to thaw. You begin to feel real pain, and you begin to notice those triggers that bring forth the tears that you were too numb to notice the first year.
You have had more time to realize just how much you miss the person you lost.
You get better at playing your new role, so others think you are “OK” now.
And the main reason is that you have been waiting for that car to pull in to the driveway, the phone to ring, your loved one to walk through the door. You are so ready for that moment you took for granted. And you slowly realize they are not coming back to you.
This all does not mean those of us who grieve do not move forward during this time. It does not mean we cannot laugh between our tears, but we are still broken. We just hide our cracks a little bit better as we start to rebuild our lives.